I was tired of going through the world forever as a bachelor. I wanted to marry, that’s why I did not need to eat in the inn over and over. Unfortunately, I did not find a wife.
A friend advised me, “Why do not you buy a cookbook and you’ll get away cheaper?” I let myself be persuaded and bought a cookbook. First I wanted to cook my favorite food, which was meatballs. As it was said, cut three-day-old rolls. So I went to the bakery and bought a basket of old cakes. People thought I was crazy. Then I cut one hour, I cut two hours, I cut three hours. After that I had to catch my breath. After the fourth hour I stopped. So I thought, cut three days old rolls, that’s impossible. You can barely last three hours.
So I wanted to cook something else and leafed through the cookbook. For now I wanted to cook potatoes, because potatoes eat every reasonable person. But for that I needed a sauce. But do you think I found the word “sauce”? “Sauce” was there. Well, I thought, that’s definitely a misprint. Anyway, it was said, you sweat 30g of flour. I now put on two pairs of underpants, two undershirts, a warm, thick sweater and a fur vest, tied a warm scarf around me and put on a warm fur vest. Then I ran upstairs in the house, downstairs. The fifth time, I collapsed in front of my door. I was soaking wet. But believe me, not a single gram of flour had sweated out. So I gave it up with the sauce.
Well, I thought, fry you a schnitzel, there can not happen much. “Roll and knock it,” it said. I figured – rolling it is not so bad, you have a four-room apartment and then I went down to the yard to the knock rod. But there was: “knocking time only on Fridays and Saturdays.” There was nothing out of the schnitzel.
In the meantime I was very sick with hunger. That reminded me, you still have some eggs, you can cook them. “After cooking the eggs, frighten them off” – I read. I laid the eggs on the table and hung a sheet and danced around the table constantly, shouting: hui, hui, hui. Do you think the eggs would be scared?
Now I was sick and looked for another woman, no matter what she looked like, the main thing she could cook. I found a wife. She weighed two hundredweight, but she could cook. So we wanted to go to the movies. When we arrived there was already a queue. My wife turned to me when I suddenly heard a voice: Program 20 Pfennig, Program 20 Pfennig. For God’s sake, I thought, if a gram costs 20 pfennigs, what is the price of 2 quintals? I ran away as fast as I could and am now a bachelor again.